Letters of Love (Green Division Series Book #3) Page 16

  “No.” Aubrey laughed a little at her accusation.

  “Your giggly girly laugh would imply that’s not the truth.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “It’s pretty cut and dry. You like him. I know it. You know it. I’m sure he knows it.”

  “He told me he was falling in love with me.”

  “Oah, Aubrey!” Jill said excited. “He loves you!”

  “In love,” Aubrey corrected.

  “What’d you tell him?”

  “That our relationship was too complicated and I wasn’t ready.”

  “Aubrey…”

  “He doesn’t know.”

  “Talk to him. Not every man is going to be like Junior, the tool.”

  “I’m damaged goods.”

  “Stop it! You certainly are not. And your therapist would tell you that too.”

  “Just because my therapist tells me I’m not damaged doesn’t mean it’s true.”

  “Aubrey, what happened—it was a horrible thing. I can’t even imagine. But you can’t let that stop you from living. Don’t you want to feel love again?”

  “He wouldn’t love me.”

  “Give him the chance.”

  Aubrey sighed deeply. “I can’t. I can’t go through it again.”

  “If that’s want you want…” Jill tried to convey empathy. “But I know it’s not.”

  “I don’t know what I want.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

  Ben got the call he’d been waiting for. Good news.

  “The job is yours for the taking.”

  Ben sat across from Mike still ecstatic from the offer he’d received an hour prior from the warden service’s headquarters.

  “I know and trust me I want it.” He hesitated.

  “But your family is holding you here, understandably.”

  “I’ll work it out.” Ben wiped his face with his hand. “I’ll make it all work.”

  “Welcome aboard.” Mike patted his blue uniformed shoulder.

  “Ridgewood.” Ben sighed. He’d be nearly two hours away from Tiffy on the days he worked. He still didn’t know if he was willing to make that sacrifice.

  “It’s a good slot.”

  “One of the best. It’s just bad timing.” Ridgewood was at the northern end of Moose Lake, the largest lake in the state of Maine and was buzzing with seasonal activities, hunting, fishing, camping, rafting on Moose River.

  “Second thoughts already?”

  “No second thoughts,” Ben said with confidence.

  “Good.” Mike rose to his feet. “What do your boys in blue think of your career change?”

  “All I’ve heard so far is congratulations, but probably it’s a different story from what they are saying behind my back.”

  “Their loss is our gain. I have a meeting, but I’ll see you in a few weeks.”

  Ben was to start his on the job training two weeks following. Two more weeks in blue then he’d be wearing green.

  “Thanks for everything Mike.”

  “Glad to have ya.” They walked out of the Tranton headquarter together and went their separate ways.

  Ben finished his quiet shift without much ado. The prior three days had all been dreadfully quiet and left him much time with only his thoughts. Thoughts of Aubrey and her easy rejection of him. It was purgatory not knowing what to do next.

  *****

  The song Tornado played on the radio as Aubrey simultaneously danced and painted. The walls took on a hue of mahogany red with white trim. This time there would be no mistakes with space heaters, curtains, and paint. She was vigilant, perhaps too vigilant. And it was summer…

  “I’m gonna spin this house,

  Turn it inside out,

  Toss it in the ground,

  Put it in the air.”

  Aubrey sang lyrics to a song that was not Tornado…

  She blankly stared outside at passing traffic and got lost in the memory. The memory of that night, the memory of Junior. The memories of it all. All of which Ben didn’t know and would harshly judge her for. He would look at her like Junior had. Like she was disfigured, broken, second class. She exhaled deeply and sat on the plastic covered floor. She didn’t need romance in her life. It was all temporary anyway. Romance faded. People may make vows claiming to love one another for richer or poorer, through sickness and health, but how many of those vows were kept? She could count more divorces than successful marriages of her friends and family. What were the odds even if she did love Ben that it would last? Practically zero. Aubrey thought all of these things until she flashed back to the present and noticed red paint that dripped from the end of the brush onto her hand. The paintbrush fell from her hand and she jumped backward at first thinking it was blood, still half hazed in the memory.

  Jesus Aubrey, get it together. She wiped the paint on a rag and turned up the radio to tune out her depressing thoughts. There were more important matters to tend to, like the bakery. And that’s what she would do. Focus on the bakery.

  *****

  Tiffy paced around the dining room beside Joanne.

  “Can I see Aubrey today?” she spoke with Ben on the phone.

  “You give her a call and if she wants company, I’ll bring you over. I can pick you up when I get off of work at six.”

  “Okay,” Tiffy said excited.

  “Gimme a call back.”

  “Will do.” She hung up the phone and dialed Aubrey.

  “Hiya Aubrey.”

  “Hey Tiffy, how are you doing?”

  “Really good.” She didn’t look really good. Her appearance grew less healthy by the day. “Can I come over and visit with you tonight?”

  “I’m going to be at the bakery late tonight, but how about early tomorrow afternoon before I go to work?”

  “I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon,” she said let down.

  “Then how about the day after.” Aubrey kept her voice upbeat.

  “Okay. But I really wanted to see you today. I miss you and Gunny and Trixie.”

  “We all miss you too.” Aubrey felt bad for turning her down, but she was half done her painting project and wasn’t much in the mood for company after her trip down the memory lane of hell. “Why don’t we plan on Thursday afternoon? You can come over for lunch and we’ll go for a little ride together.”

  “I can settle for that,” Tiffy said giddy.

  “Perfect.”

  “We’ll have to make sure Uncle Ben can make it too.”

  A sudden pang of apprehension settled in the pit of Aubrey’s stomach at the mention of Ben.

  “I’ll talk to you later Aubrey. Love you!”

  “Love you too kiddo.” The comment made Aubrey smile. Tiffy was so open with her affection.

  Tiffy hung up the phone.

  “They are sooooooooo stubborn,” Tiffy said to her mother.

  “Who?”

  “Uncle Ben and Aubrey. They need to open up their eyes an’ see what’s in front of them.”

  “What’s in front of them?”

  “Love, of course.”

  “What did we say about meddling?”

  “Someone has to.”

  “And it has to be you, huh.” Joanne picked her up and swung her around as Tiffy giggled.

  “Hey, hey! I gotta call Uncle Bennie back!” Tiffy protested. Joanne released her, placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek, and Tiffy picked up the phone once again.

  *****

  Aubrey finished up at the bakery and headed for home. She had no plans other than a shower and bed. Bed was calling her loudly. Screaming to be more accurate.

  Through the door she burst, dropped her keys, and flopped on the couch, painted clothes and all. Though the intention was to shower then hit her bed, she didn’t make it past the couch.

  CHAPTER TWENTY THREE

  “I can’t stay.” Ben closed the passenger side door to his cruiser after Tiffy stepped out. “I have to head in early for training. But I’m sure you two will man
age to have fun without me.”

  “It won’t be the same.” Tiffy sulked the entire ride over, upset with Uncle Bennie. “It’s supposed to be the three of us. We’re like the third musketeers.”

  “We’re the Three Musketeers, huh.” Ben commented and he and Aubrey exchanged warm smiles.

  “Yeah, Three Musketeers. We can’t be the Two Musketeers. Please Uncle Ben.”

  “I can’t.” Ben leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow though. You two have fun.”

  “Bye.” Tiffy hugged him and then walked to Aubrey’s side.

  “I’ll see you girls later.”

  “Bye Uncle Ben.”

  Ben nodded to Tiffy then shifted his eyes to Aubrey. “Bye Aubrey.”

  Her stomach sank with those damn butterflies she hated. “Bye Ben.”

  Ben’s robin egg blue car pulled out of her drive and she pushed her feelings aside.

  “What’s for lunch?” Tiffy hopped along beside Aubrey.

  “Ben told me what your favorite food was.”

  “Chinese?” Tiffy said excited.

  “I just got back about a minute before you guys got here. It’s still piping hot.”

  “You’re the best!” Tiffy sprinted up the stairs and into the house. Aubrey wasn’t far behind.

  The two sat down to dinner together and though Chinese was her favorite, Tiffy didn’t tackle it with a vengeance.

  “Is your food good?”

  “It’s real good. I love it.” Tiff pushed her plate back. “I’m just not hungry lately.”

  Aubrey suddenly wasn’t hungry herself. Looking at the once vibrant little girl in front of her, she saw the illness taking a firm grasp on her. Her once glowing skin was sallow. Her figure trimmer. But her eyes—they still sparkled brightly as did her smile.

  “Let’s go take Gunny for a ride.” Tiffy rose to her feet and tugged at Aubrey’s hand. “I’ve been waiting for two days, you can’t keep me waiting no longer.”

  “Let’s get him ready.”

  Tiffy held Aubrey’s hand the entire way to the barn and eagerly helped Aubrey saddle Gunny.

  “I wish Uncle Ben was here,” Tiffy said again.

  “He’d rather be here with you than at work, trust me.” Aubrey helped her onto the horse. “You’re the glimmer in his eye little girl.”

  Tiffy rode in front of Aubrey in the saddle. Aubrey led Gunny to a winding trail at the edge of her property. It was a beautiful day for a ride, heavenly.

  “So what do you think of my Uncle Ben?” Tiffy asked candidly.

  Aubrey thought about the answer to Tiffy’s meddling question.

  “I think he’s a great man who loves you very much.”

  “Do you love him?”

  “Where did that question come from?” Aubrey pulled Gunny to a stop out of shock.

  “Well, do you?”

  Aubrey pushed Gunny forward and thought about the question.

  “Cause you know you two belong together. If a ten year old can see it, you two old people should be able to see it too.”

  Aubrey laughed.

  “Old people?”

  “You’re kinda old. Old enough to see what’s in front of you. I’m ten and I see it.”

  “Did Ben put you up to this?”

  “No.” Tiffy leaned forward and patted Gunny. “And you still haven’t answered me.”

  “I love your uncle as a friend, like I love you.”

  “That’s not what I mean.”

  They meandered the trail, sunlight poking through the trees down upon them.

  “I know what you are doing.” Aubrey squeezed her. “And your uncle and I are just friends.”

  Tiffy exhaled deeply. “You shouldn’t be friends.”

  “What should we be?”

  “Like Mommy and Daddy. You two belong together.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you’ll try.”

  “Tiffy…”

  “I only have so much time to show you that two you belong together. At the rate you two are going you’ll be my grandma’s age before you figure it out. I don’t have that much time you know,” Tiffy said far too candidly.

  “You are something else, you know that.” Aubrey kissed her cheek. “I’d do anything for you, you know that.”

  “I know.”

  “But I can’t love someone because you want me to.”

  “Just try, okay. I’ll tell him to try too.”

  “Sweetie, we’re okay as we are. The three of us are the Three Musketeers remember. Regardless of Ben and my relationship, it won’t change how we feel about you. We love you.”

  “Try Aubrey. He’s going to be moving so you need to do it now.”

  “He’s moving?”

  “He’s moving to Ridgewood.”

  “When?”

  “In another week. He’s gonna be a warden you know. You don’t talk anymore?”

  “We’ve been busy.” Busy avoiding him.

  “He’ll come home on his days off, but he’s gotta stay up in Ridgewood when he’s working. I won’t see him every day no more. Neither will you.”

  “Look over there.” Aubrey pointed to a mother deer and her fawn frozen in the trail ahead of them, thankful for the distraction.

  “Cool!” Tiffy said loudly and the two took off on the trail. “Whoops.”

  “Come on Gunny.” Aubrey pushed Gunny forward and they continued their ride. Thankfully Tiffy dropped the conversation. Another thirty minutes passed before Aubrey steered them back toward her property.

  “So I’m going on a field trip with my class this week.” Tiffy beamed at the memory. “We’re going to Museum of Science in Boston next week, did I tell you that?”

  “I went there a few times when I was your age. Boston is a fun city.”

  “And we’re going on a duck boat! I don’t know what it is, but it’s a duck and a boat so it has to be cool.”

  Aubrey laughed. “You’ll have a ball.”

  “I’m excited. It won’t be as fun as riding with you and Gunny though.”

  “You know you’re welcome anytime.”

  They broke free from the tree and into the open field. Sunlight beamed onto their shoulders. Tiffy looked at the sun above and smiled as though she were staring at something.

  “What are you looking at?” Aubrey asked.

  “The sun. The sky. Heaven.”

  Aubrey’s chest felt tight.

  “The sky is so pretty today. Bright blue and those puffy clouds. That one looks like Gunny.” She pointed to a horse shaped cloud.

  “It does.”

  “That’s where I’ll be. With the horses in the sky.” Tiffy said without fear.

  Aubrey’s eyes moistened and she fought to keep her composure.

  “You’re not going anywhere for a while so stop talking like that.”

  “It’ll be okay Aubrey, I promise.”

  “You’re an amazing little girl, you know that.”

  “I’m something. That’s what Mom always tells me.”

  “You certainly are.”

  *****

  Aubrey unsaddled Gunny and went about her chores. Though the day had been full of laughter and fun, it was also full of conversation she would rather not have with a ten year old on many subjects. Love, life, death. Deep conversations many adults avoided. Tiffy was one of a kind and yet again Aubrey attached herself beyond a professional relationship as a riding instructor. Aubrey’s phone buzzed in her pocket. A text message.

  Tiffy tells me she had a blast today – Ben

  Aubrey stared at the phone and tried to decide on how to answer.

  We had a great day :) – Aubrey

  Have I ever told you how much I appreciate all you’ve done for us? Cause I do, more than I could ever say - Ben

  Aubrey looked down at her phone and inhaled deeply.