Letters of Love (Green Division Series Book #3) Read online

  “Morning.” Ben pushed a strand of hair from her eyes. “Today was amazing.”

  “I can’t argue that.” Aubrey wrapped her leg around Ben’s and rested against his side.

  “Was it worth ending your three year streak?”

  “Hell yes.” Aubrey patted his chest and smiled.

  “Did it change your perception about anything?” Ben asked hopeful.

  “Don’t do this right now.” Aubrey didn’t want to discuss their now very complex relationship.

  Ben nodded his head and tried to accept the reality, but couldn’t.

  “Will you talk to me about whatever is holding you back?”

  “I can’t.” Aubrey sat up in bed. “I told you that before we did this.” The realization that she’d made a colossal mistake began to settle in.

  “You can trust me, God don’t you know that by now?”

  “We should check on Tiffy.” Aubrey tried to change the topic.

  “I already called Jack. She’s awake and in good spirits. Talk to me.”

  Aubrey rose out of bed and collected her clothing.

  “We should go see her.”

  “Aubrey—”

  “No.” Aubrey said firmly. “I told you before we did this that I didn’t want more. Don’t complicate this.”

  “It’s too late.” Ben rose to his feet and took Aubrey in a firm hold. “That might not have been our intention, but it is a fact. You know I love you.”

  “Stop saying that.” Aubrey pushed him back and began to dress. Ben slid his pants on as well.

  “Well I do.”

  “What do you want Ben? For me to tell you I love you too? I can’t do that.” Aubrey wiped her face frustrated by his persistence.

  Ben nodded his head dejected. “I can’t do this anymore either. I can’t be just friends with you, Aubrey. I can’t go back. I want more.”

  Aubrey looked at Ben’s hurt eyes.

  “I can’t give you more.” She walked into the living room, Ben trailing behind her.

  “Tell me, Aubrey. Tell me the truth, I’ll understand—whatever it is.”

  “No, you won’t.” She opened the doorway and held it for Ben. “I need to get ready for work and you need to leave, now. Call and let me know how Tiffy is when you visit her.”

  Ben walked onto her porch, the remainder of Ben’s uniform in his hands. Aubrey didn’t give him enough time to fully dress.

  “You have Jack’s number.” Ben said dryly. “Call him yourself.”

  “I told you Ben, I told you I didn’t want more. Why did you have to do this?” Aubrey was angry with him.

  “Because I love you.” Ben said emotionless then turned his back, walked down the stairs, and left.

  “Ben…why did you have to do this,” Aubrey asked and crumbled onto the couch.

  After composing herself the best she could, Aubrey prepared for work and out the door she went.

  She dialed Jack on her long commute. Both Jack and Joanne were deep in guilt upon finding out why Tiffy ran away. They talked for nearly a half hour, until Ben arrived. Aubrey hurried off the phone upon merely hearing his voice in the background.

  CHAPTER TWENTY SIX

  A week later.

  “Good to have you home.” Ben kissed Tiffy’s cheek.

  “Glad to be home. I hate that hospital.”

  Ben pulled a blanket from the back of their couch and covered her with it.

  “Have you talked to Aubrey?”

  “We’ve been busy,” Ben fibbed.

  “When are the Three Musketeers going to ride again?”

  “We’ve been busy with work, but we both still see you.”

  “Not together.”

  “Maybe we will soon.”

  “Okay.”

  “I have to go to work kiddo, but I’ll call you every night and I’ll see you in a few days.”

  Tiffy sighed and puckered her lips.

  “I miss you.”

  “I miss you too honey.” Ben kissed her cheek and left for work. Another four days in Ridgewood.

  *****

  “How are you doing?” Jill passed Aubrey a cup of coffee while the two worked at the bakery.

  “Better.”

  “Have you talked to him?”

  “No. What is there to say?”

  “You could start with saying, I don’t know…I’m sorry I was such a flaky bitch.”

  “Thanks Jill.”

  “The man told you he loved you and you flaked out!”

  “What was I supposed to do? Look how Junior reacted. Ben would be no different.”

  “Junior was always an ass. That just brought out his true ass-ed-ness.”

  “Ass-ed-ness?”

  “I’m good at creating words.”

  The two worked at painting the back room of the bakery. Once they finished the painting all that remained was the floors to be laid and the equipment to be installed.

  “I’m proud of you for sleeping with him.”

  “Thanks…I think.”

  “You haven’t had sex in three years, I mean damn Aubrey that was a big step. You did your therapist proud.”

  “I’m sure he’d be proud of that…”

  “And it was good.”

  “Too damn good. I forgot what I’d been missing all these years.”

  “SO TALK TO HIM.”

  “Drop it.”

  “Fine.” Jill went back to painting. “But you are wrong on this one.”

  “Stop.”

  “You love him too.”

  “I don’t.”

  “You do. Don’t lie to me. I know you too well.”

  Aubrey stood beside her and began painting once again.

  “Even if I did, it doesn’t matter.”

  “Of course it matters. You deserve happiness Aub.”

  “I don’t feel happy.”

  “Maybe it’s time you change that.

  *****

  “Looking good in green.” Kip teased Ben at their division headquarters. “Finally looking like a man.”

  “We’ve been over this bud, I’ll always be more man that you.”

  “Always doing that, cheap shot.”

  Ben smiled at young Kip.

  “How are you liking the new gig?” Kip worked on a report at the desk next to his.

  “Loving it. Once I get moved up there it’ll be easier. I’m not enjoying the sleeping arrangements and commute.”

  “You got the good slot bud. Minus the lack of civilization.”

  “Yeah.” And it was hours away from his family and everything he knew. “I have it good.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN

  Another month passed.

  Fall had settled in Maine. Deep hues of orange and red colored the plentiful trees as far as the eye could see in all directions.

  “There.” Ben pointed quietly to a group of hunters dressed in all camouflage, wearing no hunter orange. With scruffy beards and dirty attire they looked like anything but honest men. One was in his twenties, the other two appeared to be in their upper forties.

  “What are the odds they have a license,” Kip whispered back. Having Kip train Ben was a bad idea. The two had far too much fun together.

  “None,” Ben answered. “Should we wait?”

  “Let’s give them a few minutes.”

  Just then there was a shuffling in the woods and one of the three men took aim at something behind them.

  POW

  A deer dropped no more than fifty yards to the side of Ben and Kip.

  Ben and Kip sprinted from the trees together.

  “Warden Service!” Ben announced their presence.

  “Jesus!” One of the three men jumped at the sight of them.

  “Unload your weapons now,” Kip instructed the hunters. They did so.

  “Where is your hunter orange gentlemen?” Ben asked.

  “We were just taking a leisurely stroll in the woods.” The young smartass in the troupe chimed in.

  “Not the attitude
I would use right now,” Ben said sternly. “Hunting licenses.”

  All three looked at one another with the same guilty glare.

  “You men don’t have hunting licenses?”

  “We forgot them?” The young one tried to be cute.

  Kip pulled out his phone.

  “Want to swing up our way?” Kip asked his superior.

  “Where are you guys?” Mike asked

  “Off of Dresden Road in Lynn Township.”

  “What have you guys got?”

  “Three poachers, no licenses, no orange, dead deer. I’m thinking our boys are felons to top it off.”

  “Good job. I’ll be there in about twenty, I’m not too far out.”

  “Thanks Sarge.”

  “ID’s.” Ben demanded.

  “I don’t have mine,” the young kid said.

  “Neither do I,” man number two said meekly.

  “Me either,” man three said.

  “Convenient.” Kip looked at Ben.

  “You come with me.” Ben pointed to the kid of the group, the shooter. “What’s your name?”

  “Liam.” The kid kicked at the ground.

  “Last name.”

  “Jondreau.”

  “Date of birth.”

  He rattled it off, he was all of twenty-one.

  “What’s the deal? Why don’t you have a hunting license? Tell me the truth, I’m going to find out one way or another.”

  “I’m not allowed to have a gun.” He exhaled loudly.

  “Why?”

  “I’m a felon.”

  Their hunch was right.

  Ben’s phone buzzed in his pocket. One of the rare occasions when his cell phone worked in the remote terrain. It was Jack.

  “You need to get here.”

  “What’s going on?” Ben stepped aside keeping an eye on Liam and the other two men.

  “It’s Tiffy.”

  Ben knew he couldn’t go anywhere.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “She’s taken a turn for the worse.”

  “I’ll leave as soon as I can.”

  Ben would talk to Mike when he got there. In the meantime there was nothing he could do but his job. Time ticked by slowly, his mind clouded as he performed his duties.

  As soon as Mike pulled in Ben called him over.

  “I need to go.”

  “Tiffy?” Mike said immediately. Everyone was familiar with the situation.

  “Yeah, she’s bad.”

  “Go, Kip can jump in with me. We’ll square this away and I’ll catch up with you later.”

  It would be a long drive back to Jack’s house.

  *****

  Aubrey’s phone buzzed in her pocket, but she was too busy with her rounds to attend to it so it went unnoticed until hours later.

  “Call me. Tiffy’s asking for you,” the voicemail said. She immediately ducked into the break room.

  “I just got your message.”

  “Can you come over?”

  “I’ll be there as soon as I can, Jack.” Aubrey already knew. Jack didn’t need to tell her why Tiffy was asking for her.

  Aubrey tracked down Nancy, the head nurse and told her she was cutting out for the day.

  It was an equally long drive for Aubrey as it was Ben, but he had a head start on her.

  Aubrey pulled into the driveway and it was full of vehicles. The majority of their family arrived a week prior to spend time with her. Family was all around. Family and Aubrey.

  Ben sat on the front step, his head between his knees.

  “Ben...” Aubrey’s stomach sank upon seeing him. “Tell me I’m not too late.”

  “I wish I could.” He picked up his head and wiped his eyes.

  “I can’t be.” A sudden wave of sickness came over her.

  “She passed an hour ago.” A single tear streamed its way down his cheek. “She was asking for you.”

  Aubrey collapsed on the step next to him. “I didn’t check my messages...”

  Silence settled between them as the reality hit her. Tiffy had been asking for Aubrey—literally asking for her on her deathbed. And she didn’t make it.

  “She wanted me to tell you how much she loved you,” Ben took a deep breath. “And Gunny and Trixie.”

  Aubrey cried freely no longer able to keep her composure.

  “I love her too.” The words were barely audible. “I’m so sorry Ben.”

  “Me too.” Ben stood, opened the front door, and walked inside.

  Aubrey sat alone on the front step staring out into the rolling fields. The cold fall air was bitter, but she was numb to it.

  “I’m sorry Tiffy.” She looked at the sky above her. “I’m so sorry.” Never had Aubrey felt so guilty.

  Memories of Tiffy flooded her mind. All of their lessons. The trip to the horse show, singing with one another. The paint fight in her barn. The memory of her shining spirit even when she was in the worst of health.

  “Sorry…” Aubrey said breathless and wrapped her arms around herself.

  After expressing her condolences to the family Aubrey excused herself to leave them with their grief. Without Ben she suddenly felt alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT

  A day passed.

  Aubrey lay around in her pajamas all day, her nose bright red, her eyes permanently welled.

  KNOCK KNOCK

  The sound at her door jarred her from the comfort of her couch.

  “Hello?”

  Aubrey rose to her feet and padded to the door.

  “She left this for you.” Ben stood in doorway, had his hand held out to her. In it was an envelope; “Aubrey” was written on the outside, clearly in Tiffy’s handwriting.

  “What is this?” Aubrey took it from his hand.

  “She wrote a letter for each of us.” Ben turned to walk back to his truck.

  “Ben, wait.”

  “Jack and Joanne are waiting for me, I can’t stay.” Ben continued his stride without looking back.

  Aubrey closed the door and retreated to the couch. Holding the letter in both hands, she inhaled a deep breath and prepared herself. As she opened the letter heart shaped confetti fell out of the envelope littering her lap and the couch under her. Hearts adorned the plain white paper the letter was written on.

  Dear Aubrey,

  If yer reading this it means I’ve gone to heaven. I want you to know how much I love you. You’ve been my best friend since we met all that time ago and when you gave me lessons on Gunny and Trixie. I love them so much too. Some of my best times were with you and Uncle Bennie I had so much fun when we were together like at the horse show and painting chairs and riding the horses. We are the three musketears. It’ll just be you two musketears now but I know the third musketear will be in your hearts <3

  Aubrey put the paper down and tried to get her composure. Tears clouded her vision, a few dripping onto the paper.

  I may have lived a short life but it was happy and I want you to know it was happier because of you. The only thing that would have made it happier is if you and Uncle Bennie would listen to me and see you two are ment to be together. You still are. If a ten year old can see it you two should be able to but you both are so stuborne. That’s the Anderson in you both :) I’m going to stop writing, but don’t worry about me. I’ll be with those horses we saw in the sky that day, looking down upon you from heaven above. I love you with all my heart Aubrey.

  Love,

  Tiffy

  Aubrey clenched the paper and leaned her head back against the couch. Heaven gained an angel, but earth certainly lost one.