Letters of Love (Green Division Series Book #3) Page 15
A silent paused followed her statement.
“Okay.” Letting go of her back, he took her hands. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to push you.”
“It’s just...Tiffy and you, you both have been a package deal in my life. If things become awkward between us, they would be awkward with Tiffy too. I don’t want that.”
“Tiffy wouldn’t be upset. That little girl has been pushing to get us together.”
“That’s my point.”
Ben hesitated. “So what happens now?”
“I don’t know, but it doesn’t include having sex with you tonight.”
“Can’t blame a man for trying to end that three year streak of yours.” The corner of Ben’s mouth hitched up. He tried to make light of the situation between them.
“Oh shit...I told you that when I was drunk.”
“You may have.”
“This night keeps getting more and more humiliating. What next?”
“That’s my question for you.” He kissed her softly. “What next?”
Aubrey knew he was speaking of their complex relationship. “I think we should not do what we were about to do. And pretend this night didn’t happen.”
“I don’t want to pretend. It did happen and I had an amazing night with you.”
“I did too. But—”
“Then why do you keep saying ‘but’?”
“Ben—” Frustrated, she stopped and leaned her head forward on his shoulder. “I don’t know.”
Why did she look for excuses to close him out? She needed to move forward.
“There’s more going on here than what you’re telling me.” Ben said.
“No, it’s nothing.” She’d use denial and evasion tactics for there was much he didn’t know.
“What is ‘it’?”
“You’re worse than a woman with all your questions.”
“Bad habit. And you’re just as bad at not answering them.”
“Bad habit,” she mimicked.
Silence hung in the air. Aubrey sensed Ben was waiting for more from her. An explanation, or an invitation.
“I should probably get going.” Ben loosened his grip.
She wanted to tell him why she was scared, tell him to stay, but at she didn’t. Ben wasn’t Junior Merrill, but she knew he’d have the same reaction.
“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Aubrey promised.
“Alright.” Ben kissed her cheek affectionately and let go of her. “Good night.”
Aubrey walked him to the door and closed it behind him.
“What the hell Aubrey?” She said to herself, leaned her back against the door, and expelled a deep breath.
CHAPTER TWENTY
“Uncle Ben, we should go see Aubrey so I can tell her all about my trip.” Tiffy smiled brightly. She’d returned from Florida a different girl, her color pale and her appearance gaunt. At first sight of her, Ben nearly lost it.
“It’s late, you need to rest. It’s been a long couple of weeks for you little girl.” Ben sat beside her on the couch. “How are you feeling?”
“Okay. Good enough to go visit Gunny and Trixie.”
“You are one determined little girl.” Ben stroked her hair.
“That’s the Anderson in me.”
“That it is.”
Miley was curled up at Tiffy’s feet sound asleep. Ben was ready for the pup to be returned home. She’d been a handful. A pair of shoes and a decorative pillow fell victim to the young pup.
“It’s bedtime for you two.” Joanne walked beside the couch.
“It’s a bit early for me to call it a night.”
“Miley and Tiffy.” Joanne rolled her eyes at him. “Say goodnight to your wise butt uncle.”
Tiffy reached up and gave Ben a tight hug.
“Tomorrow we’ll see Aubrey, right?”
“Maybe.” Ben hadn’t talked to Aubrey since the wedding. She didn’t call the following day as promised and he hadn’t followed up either.
“So you’ll call her tonight and tell her we’ll come over?”
Ben narrowed his eyes on her.
“You try to play me like a fiddle.”
“She does that very well.” Joanne scooted Miley off the couch. “Come on, bed.”
“Call her.” Tiffy rose from the couch.
“Night Tiffy.” Ben kissed the top of her forehead and she padded away. “Bye Joanne.”
“Night Ben.”
Jack crashed while unpacking their luggage an hour earlier or Ben would have bid him farewell also.
Ben pulled onto the road and stared at his cell phone.
*****
It was the end of her shift and Aubrey was ready to feel her warm comfy bed. Freshly changed out of her scrubs, she slung her bag onto her shoulder and walked out of the door.
Clack
Her cell phone slid out of her bag and landed gracefully onto the floor. She grumbled and picked it up. It was then she spied a missed call from Ben and a voicemail.
“Aubrey, its Ben. It’s Friday night about seven p.m., give me a call when you get this. I’ll be awake until at least three so don’t worry about calling late. Thanks.”
Aubrey took a deep breath, it was two a.m. She didn’t talk to Ben the following day as she promised. She didn’t know what to say. She’d left their relationship at an awkward point. Made further awkward by the fact that she didn’t talk to him the following day. She nervously dialed the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hi Ben. Sorry I didn’t call you back the other day.”
“It’s alright, I know you’re a busy woman.” Ben gave her an out.
“Yeah, so…” Aubrey trailed off waiting for him to take the lead in the conversation.
“Tiffy came home today and she made me promise to call you. Are you working tomorrow?”
“I am, but I have Wednesday off.”
“Would you be up for company sometime during the day? She’s excited to see you and the horses.”
“Of course.” Aubrey was as bad as Ben, she’d do anything for the child. “Give me a call when you guys plan on coming over. I don’t have any plans.”
“Alright, thanks.”
“Ben—” Aubrey didn’t know how to broach the conversation. “What happened the other night—”
“You weren’t ready.” Ben read her mind.
“It’s just, there’s a lot you don’t know.”
“I’m listening.”
Aubrey thought and let silence linger in the air.
“I’d rather talk about it in person.”
“Okay.” Ben’s tone was understanding. “You tell me when and I’ll be there.”
“You are too damn easy to get along with sometimes.”
“You wouldn’t have said that a few months ago.” He laughed.
“True.” Aubrey fidgeted with her hair.
“I have to go back to work, but we’ll talk Wednesday.”
“Wednesday,” she repeated.
“Night Aubrey.”
“Night.”
Aubrey clicked end on her phone. Though she should feel a sense of relief that Ben hadn’t pressed the issue, she didn’t.
CHAPTER TWENTY ONE
Rain pounded off the roof and thunder rolled in the distance. Not a great day for Tiffy to visit the horses, but she wanted to none-the-less.
“Aubrey!” Tiffy yelled inside the screen door.
“Come in!”
Tiffy bounded toward Aubrey, rain jacket, mud boots and all.
“Tiffy—” Ben tried to stop her, but he wasn’t swift enough.
Tiffy wrapped her arms around Aubrey tightly.
“I missed you.”
“I missed you too Tiffy.”
“Tiff, come here and we’ll get your rain clothes off,” Ben called her from the entryway.
“Sorry I got you wet.” Tiffy noticed upon pulling back from her vice grip.
“It’s okay. You’re worth it.” Aubrey squeezed her in another hug. Tiffy laughe
d then returned to Ben.
“You are drenched little girl.” Ben hung up her coat and put her boots on a rubber mat.
“I missed you and Uncle Ben soooooo much.” Tiffy looked between the both of them. “Did you two hang out together like we always do?”
“Ummm…” Aubrey looked at Ben.
“Don’t you worry about us.” Ben followed her back to the living room where Aubrey stood.
“I’m not worried.” Tiffy rose her brow at Ben. “I have pictures from the trip.”
Tiffy pulled a camera from her pocked and the three sat down in the living room together. For the following hour Tiffy talked non-stop about her trip and all she’d seen. Though her physical decline was clear, her attitude had not changed.
“Can I go visit Gunny and Trixie?”
Ben looked outside at the pouring rain.
“Why don’t we wait and see if the rain lets up. I don’t want you catching a cold.”
“But it’s rained like this all day, pleassssse,” she pleaded.
This would be one time Ben wouldn’t give in. The last thing he wanted was her to get sick on his watch.
“Okay.” Tiffy shrugged her shoulders disappointed. She looked at Ben, then at Aubrey.
“I’m kind of tired anyway. Could I take a nap Aubrey?”
“Are you feeling okay?” Aubrey felt her forehead.
“I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Do you want to go home?” Ben asked.
“No,” she answered quickly. “I just wanna little nap then maybe the rain will have stopped.”
“What are you up to?” Ben cocked his head to the side.
“Nothing. Geesh.”
“You are welcome to grab a catnap if you need one. Come on.” Aubrey led her back to her spare bedroom and tucked her in.
“Did you guys have a fight?” Tiffy asked as Aubrey turned to leave the room.
“Why do you say that?”
“You two act different.” Tiffy pulled the sheets tighter.
“No, we didn’t fight.”
“Good. ‘Cause I love you too much for you guys to fight.” She closed her eyes. “Can you tell me a story?”
Aubrey sat on the side of the bed and tried to remember a bedtime story. It had been a few decades since her story days.
Ben sat on the couch waiting for Aubrey to return. Tiffy’s motive was to give them time alone, not merely that she was tired. Such a ham.
“She’s down for the count.” Aubrey returned to the living room.
“That gives us a few minutes to talk.” Ben patted the couch cushion next to his.
Aubrey sat in a chair adjacent to the couch where Ben sat. The space she left between them immediately queued Ben to how the conversation to follow would be.
“So.” Ben waited.
“Do you want something to drink? Something to eat?” Aubrey shifted in her seat.
“I believe we were going to talk about what happened the other night.”
“Right.” She didn’t elaborate.
“You said there’s a lot I don’t know.”
“I did say that.” Still she didn’t elaborate.
Ben waited patiently.
“I’m guessing this stems back to three years ago.”
“Good guess.” Aubrey nervously tapped her foot.
“Were you married?” Ben went into interview mode.
“Engaged.”
“Was he unfaithful?”
“No.”
“I don’t want to keep guessing and offend you.” The question on the tip of Ben’s tongue was if she was unfaithful.
“He just—he stopped loving me.” Aubrey wiped her forehead and fought to keep her composure.
“Then he was a fool,” Ben said without hesitation.
Aubrey smiled slightly at his quick comment and her cheeks reddened.
“Is that why you are afraid? You’re afraid of getting hurt?”
“You’ve been all over the board with me. We started out hating one another. Then it progressed to hating each other less. Then somewhere along the way it got clouded beyond belief and here we are. It’s complicated. How do I know which Ben you are? Are you the Ben that pulled me over? Are you the Ben that yelled at me at the hospital? Are you the Ben that stayed with me when Monica passed....are you the Ben who sang Frank Sinatra to me at the wedding? You have hurt written all over you.”
“I’m the Ben that’s made mistakes along the way and is sorry for that. I’m the Ben who loves the fact that you’ll do anything for anyone. You hated me, yet you still agreed to give my niece lessons. I’m the Ben who loves that you hate me less.” He laughed slightly. “I’m the Ben who is sitting in front of you telling you I’m falling in love with you, Aubrey.”
“That doesn’t make things more complicated.” Aubrey dropped her head into her hands.
“That wasn’t the response I was hoping for,” Ben said dejected.
“I can’t. We can’t—Ben, it’s too—”
“Complicated,” he finished her thought.
“Yes.”
“Okay.” Ben folded his hands in front of him.
“I’m sorry.” She leaned forward and put her hands on top of his.
“Can you answer one question honestly for me and I won’t ask anything further.”
Aubrey nodded her head.
“Do you have any feelings for me? Any at all? Because it sure felt like it the other night we were together.”
“I—I” Aubrey took a deep breath. “I feel I’m not ready for how fast things were progressing between us.”
“You walked around my question.” Ben looked up at her hopeful.
“I don’t know how I feel,” she lied. She had feelings for Ben. Feelings that scared her and she masked them by merely saying she wasn’t ready.
Ben interlaced her fingers in his. “Maybe in time.”
“Maybe.”
Ben kissed her cheek and let go of her hands.
“I’m sorry.” Aubrey apologized again.
“You have no reason to be sorry.”
“Are things going to be awkward between us now?”
“We’re both adults. There’s no reason for it to be awkward.” Ben smiled.
Aubrey nodded her head.
“So...” Ben attempted to shift gears. “How is the bakery coming?”
“The contractor turned it over to me yesterday. Now the real work begins. I have a lot to do.” She fidgeted with her hands.
“You have four helping hands at your disposal.” Ben spoke of himself and Tiffy.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
The next hour while Tiffy napped Ben and Aubrey made pleasant small talk. She stayed in the chair, he on the couch.
“Morning.” Tiffy came bounding out and looked out the window. The rain had slowed to a light drizzle. “Can we go out and see the horses!”
Aubrey and Ben looked out the window.
“I guess it’s slowed enough.” Ben looked at Aubrey.
The three went out together in the light rain and paid Gunny and Trixie a visit.
“Thank you Aubrey for letting me visit.”
“You’re welcome anytime kiddo.” Aubrey leaned down and gave her a gentle hug.
“I love you Aubrey.” Tiffy squeezed her tightly.
“I love you too.” Aubrey said with a catch in her throat. She was attached to the little girl as though she was her own daughter.
“Bye,” Ben said offering a friendly wave.
“Night Ben.”
*****
“It’s been a while since I’ve heard from you sunshine,” Jill gave Aubrey a hard time.
“I’ve been busy.” Aubrey paced around her back porch in the darkness, phone to her ear.
“Busy doing what? And was it with Ben?”